Confidence Boost.
This article is part of Finding the Words, a newsletter that delivers practical insights on the day’s issues.
As a communications consultant to social impact organizations and their leaders, one of the most common types of questions I receive is from people doubting their abilities.
“You present so confidently.”
“I wish I could come across as assured as you in my own communication.”
While I appreciate and value these comments, I want to let you, my dear friend, in on a secret:
I, too, can feel insecure when preparing for a major presentation or during a high-stakes conversation. I, too, doubt whether I am presenting as effectively as I can. I can feel these emotions even though I have done this work and honed my craft for 20+ years.
That’s because when it comes to confidence, it can be both/and.
We can be effective communicators AND doubt our effectiveness in the same exact moment. We can present confidently and assuredly, and we can still believe that we’re not good enough.
Confidence is an interesting concept. The formal definition, according to Merriam-Webster, is “a feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities.”
Hm, let’s sit on that, and one word in particular: Appreciation.
Confidence doesn’t arise when someone is the best in the world at a certain skill; it arises when someone appreciates the level of skill they bring. That is when we exude confidence—because we appreciate and value ourselves and the skills we bring.
When I first heard this definition—funny enough—on a run this past weekend, I had a eureka moment:
Of course! It’s not about becoming the best runner or communicator to be confident; it’s about believing in ourselves enough to perform at our highest levels; our personal best. And when we believe in ourselves, we naturally appear more trustworthy, connected, and confident.
That's how that works. The more we believe in ourselves, the more confident we will appear to others.
So, if you’re seeking to become a more confident communicator, here are some tips that may help. As you may have guessed, these tips begin and end with a simple reminder to believe in and appreciate your current skills.
1. Look back.For every major hurdle that you need to cross ahead, there are dozens of hurdles you crossed to get this far. Don’t forget to acknowledge and appreciate how far you’ve come.
2. Prepare thoroughly. Confidence comes from knowing your stuff. Spend time on your preparation, understanding your audience, and anticipating questions. This preparation will make you feel more confident, and it will show in your delivery.
3. Use your whole self. How you say something is as important as what you say. Before your next big presentation or meeting, practice your tone of voice, facial expressions, and gestures to ensure they align with and support the delivery of your message.
4. You don’t need to look the part to play the role. If you’ve ever stopped short of pursuing an opportunity because you didn’t believe you had “what it takes,” think again. If I had listened to the voice in my head every time I had a doubt, I wouldn’t have pursued most of my ideas over these past 20 years. You DO have what it takes to inspire others and to create an impact. Being enthusiastic about your work is the best way to inspire your audience to share in your enthusiasm.
Bottom line: When it comes to communicating confidence, remember this: we are often much better than we let ourselves believe. Start with some appreciation—for yourself, your skills, and how far you’ve come—and see how much more confident you'll feel as a result.
This post is part of the Finding The Words column, a series published every Wednesday that delivers a dose of communication insights direct to your inbox. If you like what you read, we hope you’ll subscribe to ensure you receive this each week.
